Beyond sex: What asexual women look for in relationships

Many people assume that sexual attraction is a central part of the human experience—shaping how we date, form partnerships, and fall in love. Yet people experience attraction in many different ways.

Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction. But what does that mean for their romantic lives? How do asexual women approach dating, and what do they value in a partner? 

To explore these questions, researchers from Tilburg University, the University of Göttingen, and the Leibniz Institute for Educational Trajectories in Bamberg partnered with Clue to better understand how asexual women think about relationships and their ideal partners.

Studying relationships without sexual attraction

Sexual attraction is often considered a key force behind choosing a partner (1). Studying people who experience little or no sexual desire gives us a unique opportunity to ask a deeper question: What drives relationship preferences when sexual attraction isn’t a main factor?

We analyzed data from the Ideal Partner Survey—a large international study. Our sample included 390 asexual women from 38 countries, whose responses were compared with a matched group of heterosexual women. Participants shared what kinds of relationships they were interested in and what they looked for in an ideal partner.

Different paths to connection

Some of the differences we found were expected. Compared to heterosexual women, asexual women were less interested in purely sexual relationships, such as hook-ups. They were also less likely to be interested in traditional monogamous partnerships or in becoming parents.

Asexual women were more likely to prefer emotionally intimate relationships without sexual activity. Many were more open to non-traditional forms of connection, including platonic partnerships or consensually non-monogamous relationships.

These findings highlight an important point: sexual attraction and romantic attraction don’t always go hand in hand. Some asexual individuals may also identify as aromantic (meaning they don’t experience romantic attraction), but many do—and they want close, committed relationships—just not necessarily sexual ones. 

Rethinking what a “good relationship” looks like

For asexual women, an ideal relationship may look different from the cultural norm. Emotional closeness, trust, and companionship can take priority over physical intimacy. In some cases, consensual non-monogamy or emotionally intimate but non-sexual partnerships may offer ways to build meaningful connections without the pressure to engage in sex.

Asexual women were generally more open to being single than heterosexual women. For some, this may reflect the real challenges of dating in a world where sexual attraction is often assumed—especially when the other partner(s) is not asexual, and expectations around physical intimacy need to be negotiated.

For others, particularly those who identify as both asexual and aromantic, being single can be a positive and intentional choice. Rather than representing a lack of connection, it may offer greater independence and a way of living that better aligns with their needs and values. 

What matters in an ideal partner?

When asked about specific long-term partner characteristics, asexual women tended to rate most traits as less important than heterosexual women did. The biggest differences were around physical attractiveness, sexual experience, confidence, and assertiveness—traits often emphasized in dating culture. 

Interestingly, both groups valued education and intelligence equally. 

This doesn’t mean that asexual women don’t care about looks or personality. Instead, it suggests that when sexual attraction isn’t a driving force, people may approach relationships with different expectations—and feel less pressure to prioritize traditionally “desirable” traits.

Asexuality includes many experiences

It’s important to emphasize that asexual women are not a homogeneous group.  

Asexuality encompasses a wide range of sub-identities and experiences (2,3). Some people never feel sexual attraction, others experience it only after forming a strong emotional bond (demisexuality), and others fall somewhere in between, such as gray-sexual individuals. Similarly, some asexual women experience romantic attraction, while others do not (4).

Our findings show that limited or absent sexual attraction plays a meaningful role in shaping relationship preferences and what people look for in a partner—but it’s only one piece of a much bigger picture. Recognizing and including experiences that have often been overlooked is essential for building a more complete and inclusive understanding of human intimacy, relationships, and wellbeing.

We want to extend a big thank you to all Clue users who participated in this research. By sharing their experiences, they have helped to advance understanding of asexuality and women’s relationship experiences. 

You can read the full research article here. 

If you’d like to learn more about what the Ideal Partner Survey revealed, check out our companion article exploring how age shapes women’s partner preferences worldwide.